When Will I Learn? Day 11.

Why is it when everything is going well because I am following the plan, I stop doing what works?

I need future me to stand in front of me now and give me a very hard slap across the face. Future me will desire to give me a slap and a foot up the arse. Then I will be looking at future me giving me a disappointing look. You Know the one you get from a parent? Or in my case, my teenagers.

If It Works, Keep Doing It!

I woke up feeling fed up. I have no idea why, because there was no reason for it. Everything was going well. My ego started the uplifting self-talk which was “What’s the point?”,You’re wasting your time.”

And then I made a big mistake. And I mean big! 

I sat on my butt and started scrolling on my phone. I can see you all now shaking your heads at me. Shouting “Don’t do it!” Like I missed an open goal in the world cup. If it was a show on T.V., you would turn it off because the repeated bad habit is getting dull.

I lost track of time because of the nonsensical scrolling on social media. I learned nothing. I did nothing productive. And surprise surprise I felt like crap because I failed to stick to what works. I slacked off the 5,4,3,2,1 and lost all motivation.

Sitting-on-a-chair
Sitting on a chair

Yay me! Wait for a second while I pat my back. I was procrastinating and when I do that it is not attractive. “Get up off the sofa Jen.” “What the hell are you doing?” I am in my swimming pool of self-pity, floating around and being pathetic. And it is making me ugly. Where I look like I have sucked lemons for breakfast.

 

 

I had to get ready for an interview in Liverpool. I wanted this interview because it could lead to a teaching position. I can’t beat myself up when I stop doing what works because that is counterproductive, but when will I learn? If I beat myself up about what I did not do that is wasting more time. So I acknowledged my behaviour this morning and was grateful I was conscious enough to recognise it.

The sun was shining, and I got ready and got my arse to Liverpool. I left Liverpool feeling very confident with the interview. The interviewer was over the moon with the experience I have working with children. And she said all my “References were excellent.”

On arrival at home, I realise I am still feeling a bit shit. I actually know why I am feeling like this.

I am an impatient person. Not as much as I used to be but it is still there. Even though I have stuff happening and things are in the pipeline, I am sulking because things are not happening quick enough.

So let’s get this into perspective.

  • Because things take time I sulk.
  • When I sulk, I procrastinate.
  • When I procrastinate, I get nothing done.
  • When I get nothing done, I feel like crap.
  • When I feel like crap, I want to give up.
  • When I give up, I feel like crap.
  • When I fell like crap, I get nothing done.
  • When I get nothing done, I am procrastinating.
  • When I procrastinate, I sulk.

Can you see the cycle that happens? It goes round and round and serves no purpose at all. There’s me moaning that things are not moving quickly enough and I stop taking action to get things moving.  It is completely insane.

Have you ever done this? What is your default behaviour? I am not happy that cycle is my default behaviour. I remember Fleur and her words. I don’t know how I got here.”
I look at the sentence I have on my desk YOU MIGHT NOT BE HERE NEXT YEAR.

My attitude changes fast. I pushed through everything else I had to do today, and I completed a 50-day confidence challenge which was ‘Have an extra serving of vegetables today.’ I love veg, so that was no hardship.

The universe must have felt my energy. I received a message from a reader. It read, “I am really enjoying the updates on your blog. They keep me going. Thank you.”  That renewed my energy.

Just keeping going. Be proud of anything you get ticked off your list daily. Even one thing a day is better than none. That one step moves you closer to making two steps, then three steps. If you have had a bad day, admit it and make tomorrow a better one.

Because remember, you might be here next year.

2 thoughts on “When Will I Learn? Day 11.

  1. I am the same way sometimes too. Procrastinate and then get mad at myself but continue to procrastinate. Staying motivated can be tricky. I try to set aside time and really tell myself that there won’t be any other time during the week to do what I love. So yes, lying to myself has worked wonders so far
    🤥. Routine, routine, routine. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

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