The pain won’t go away in your chest. You have a gut-wrenching pull in your stomach. You are full of negative feelings, and they will not go away.
You blame yourself asking “What if I had said something different?” “What if I had done something different?” Or you are pointing the finger at someone else and playing the victim. “It is because of them, that I feel like this.”
So what can’t you let go of?
- A failed relationship.
- A mistake you made at work.
- Emotions that hold you back.
- Someone who has hurt you.
- or you have hurt someone.
If you want to live a happy life you need to learn to let go of things. The benefits of this skill are immense to your well being. You will be far happier and be able to give your attention to things that truly matter and make you happy.
Ultimately we all want a happy life.
So, why are you giving your attention to your negative thoughts?
You can’t change what has happened. That is in the past, it has gone. Don’t let what you can’t change pull you down.
There is a voice inside you telling you things to make you feel bad. You recognise the voice, don’t you? You should do, it is your voice.
You tell yourself “I should be worried about that.” And you feel guilty and continue to hold onto to the negative emotions. Because you think if you do not worry about it somehow that makes you a bad person.
Or you refuse to forgive someone for something they did to you. Because if you forgive them, they will hurt you again.
Here is a secret. You are making a decision to hurt yourself now, by holding onto something that has gone. Nothing can change it, so why are you holding onto it? It serves no benefit. Work on what you can change. You can change how you react to things.
What are the negative effects of not letting go?
- And Resentment.
Your choice to not let go is physically and mentally impacting on you and damaging your health. And one of the quickest, most notable changes is one that none of us wants.
You now look a lot older. Unless you are 16 trying to get into a bar, you do not want or need to look old before your time.
Every negative emotion you hold onto is extra baggage pulling you down. Have you ever seen your posture when you are holding onto something you say you can’t let go of?
Your shoulders slump. You get a curve in your back, and you actually look smaller and weaker.
Is there a benefit to holding on to something that causes you pain?
No. There is no benefit at all. When people tell me that they can’t forgive or forget, I ask them to name one benefit that holding onto this thing is giving them. And If they can tell me one benefit, I will listen to their worries all day long and buy them a coffee.
They think for a while searching for a positive reason for holding onto their negative baggage. No one has ever been able to find a positive benefit.
Why is it so hard to move on?
You try to convince yourself that you have tried to “let go and move on” and you cannot do it. It is too hard, and you have to suffer and feel guilty for what you have done. Or you must be annoyed at someone because of their selfishness.
This thinking is loopy.
Resentment and blame do not help you to live a happy life. You must change your way of thinking if you want an easier life. All you are doing is wasting valuable time.
How do you let go of them?
It is not as difficult as you may think, though it can take some practice. The first thing is you must realise is you are in charge. Accept that it is your choice to ‘let go’ of things that do not help you.
The same as it is your choice if you choose not to let go. But why would you choose to hold onto something that does not benefit you?
If you feel yourself getting angry at someone else’s actions, ask yourself “How is getting angry at them benefitting me?” If you think you can’t let go of something bad, ask yourself “Is there an advantage of me holding onto this?”
How can I learn to live in the present and let go?
You must let go of things that do not help you to be happy. If you are not happy, you are either living in the past or worried about the future. The past has gone and the future has not happened.
There is only now. Do not blame anyone for anything. Do not seek acceptance from anybody. Know that it is ok to be wrong about things, you will not die from this.
How do I let go and just be myself?
- Love yourself, there is no one else like you. You are the only one of you. Do you know how amazing that is? Accept yourself for who you are.
- Trying to please everyone is like trying to gather the ocean using a sieve. So do not try to please others.
- Love making mistakes, you will learn from them and move forward. I am still learning how to love making mistakes. That one for me requires work.
- Know that you are 100% in control of how you react to any situation. Stop creating pain for yourself.
- If you can’t change it, accept it and move on. Acceptance frees up your energy.
“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging one.” Echart Tolle